Legislate This: A Right To Stop Whining! by Doug Wrenn

Legislate This: A Right To Stop Whining!

By Doug Wrenn

March 10, 2008

Exasperated with the incessant timidity of his young General, McClellan, President Lincoln sarcastically quipped if he could borrow the army for a while as McClellan was not using it. I'm beginning to feel President Lincoln's pain. If these worthless bureaucrats in Hartford aren't going to use that nice big building with the big shiny dome for anything useful, perhaps they will let us use it for a while. At the very least, we can remove all the seats, set up a court and host some UCONN Huskies games. That would bring in some much-needed revenue, anyway.

I could right an entire series of articles that all begin with the line, "Here we go again!" Time and again, we see our state elected officials, both in the executive and in the legislative branches, ignoring the many serious and weighty problems facing this state and instead taking up trivial, trite, utterly ridiculous matters as if they have run out of crossword puzzles and comic books in their posh, taxpayer-subsidized digs (Now, however, deprived of the luxury of well-stocked and taxpayer-funded bottled water, of course, an unspeakable atrocity to civilized humanity!)

Now, it's a right to dry! Yes, that's right, we're talking our dirty laundry here, as if "Corrupticut" doesn't have enough already!

This inane national movement has now come ashore here in the nutty land of Nutmeg. The proposed bill would especially give residents of condominium and apartment complexes, as well as various other types of neighborhood associations, the so-called "right" to dry their laundry outside on a clothesline. Not surprisingly, of several news reports I have heard and read on this subject, no legislator(s) have yet been named as the author to this insidious, lame-brained legislative travesty. I doubt that is coincidence. (Psstttt…..Rep. Bruce Morris {D-Norwalk}….ssshhhh!). A public hearing was scheduled (no result known at this writing) for HB 5596, "The Right To Dry" act, (Gag!) within the Committee of Energy and Technology. The proposal is also backed by the Sierra Club, which in itself pretty much tells me all I need to know.

When we consider that our "rights" come from God, as correctly cited in our Declaration of Independence, I struggle to see a "right to dry." Somehow, I doubt laundry was high on the Creator's short list of priorities. I also searched the Bill of Rights in the Constitution. Nope. 'tain't there, neither. Ditto with the subsequent amendments.

Our amoral, hedonistic, narcissistic, instant gratification society has picked up "right," dropped it onto "privilege," and shattered it into a million indiscernible pieces. We need to grasp reality here, and so does Governor Pollyanna, who continually tops herself with even more half-witted examples of sheer buffoonery. It was amusing at first, but in all sincerity, this woman's incessant and blatant ineptitude as a leader is now a humiliating public embarrassment. Most recently, our state's Chief Executive, during a televised new conference, told us that because bed sheets smell so nice when dried in the fresh air and sunshine, that she believes everyone ahs a "right" to dry clothes outside. Wow! What deeply cerebral, philosophical, constitutional, logically based legal analysis of this legislative situation! Just uncanny! This woman's brain should someday be displayed in a museum. I see it in a jar full of pickle juice, taken from the movie, "Young Frankenstein," and labeled "Abbey-Normal." A recent Waterbury Republican-American op-ed was dead-on when the editors dubbed her, "Governor Oblivious," because she was so clueless regarding the current rate of state and federal gas taxes, that had she been on a quiz show instead of a radio show, she would have both gotten the buzzer, and lost her consolation prize. OK, you folks wanted a nice, warm, smiley, clueless, amiable dunce, who is better fitted to wearing sweaters and baking apple pies at home then governing a state of 3.4 million people. Congratulations! Now you have her! As for Alexander Lee, founder and executive director of "Project Laundry List," the group that instigated this nonsense, he is crying into his beer that many people find this notion "silly." Woe is you, Mr. Lee. As for me, I don't find it silly. I find it thoroughly asinine, and quite frankly, constitutionally dangerous, not to mention an utter waste of taxpayer expense and limited time and resources within our so-called "part-time" legislature, that quite frankly has far more important matters to address. Meanwhile, the smiley, amiable clueless one with the dizzy smile and "Aunt Bea" demeanor fiddles nebulously while Connecticut dries outside, and all else pretty much goes to Hell in a laundry basket.

Sadly, in 1973, our activist US Supreme Court created a synthetic version of a "right" called "the right to choose (abortion)" in the landmark case of Roe vs. Wade, which even according to pro-choice legal scholars, was an abysmally poor interpretation of law. (I think I just suddenly realized Jodi Rell's next foreseeable career move!) I hear people talk about their "right to drive." There is no such right. Hence all that testing, licensing, registering, and waiting endlessly, only to be told that you filled out the form wrong, got into the wrong line, and, "Oh, by the way, I'm going on my break, now." PS- there is also no right to work, no right to eat, etc..

The sinecure sycophants of Washington are no better than those in Hartford. Lose all the "D's" and "R's," and assign them all "I's." No, not for "Independents," but "Idiots," because for all those clowns who flaunt that little pocket-sized Constitution whenever the TV cameras are rolling, half of them never bothered to read it, and the other half ignore it. And that is why we now hear many "Idiots" from both sides of the partisan aisle pontificating to us about the "right to healthcare."

Folks, the gist of this is that once you get past the basics, right to free speech, freedom of religion, assembly, to bear arms, to be secure in your own home from illegal searches and seizures, to not be required to quarter soldiers, or to incriminate yourself in court, to have legal counsel, to be able to face your accusers, to be given a speedy and fair trial by which you are originally presumed innocent, etc.., then pretty much what remains is the right to your pursuit of happiness, which does not mean that government must give you anything. It simply means that it will provide you the opportunity to acquire what you want on your own, and government, quite frankly, best does that by taking a big step back and simply getting out of the way, and thus removing its ever-behemoth posterior from its otherwise typical obstructing of our God-given path to true liberty and prosperity. Hence, "Government that governs best, governs least." Otherwise, we are on a slippery slope to a laundry list of man-made and otherwise non-existent "rights" that will never end until our socialism eases us into tyrannical dictatorship and oppression. That's called incrementalism, and that's also why you only eat an elephant one bite at a time. This is also what history teaches us, for those of us who actually shut off the boob tube and give the sports page a rest once in a while.

This is also what would be contemplated and taken much more seriously if we actually had a "Governor Rell" instead of a "Nana Jodi." Nana ought to extract her nose out of her bed sheets and stick it into the Constitution once in a while. We need actual leadership from Jodi right now, not helpful hints from Helouise.

This is not a state matter, and even Nana hinted at local jurisdiction, although she seemed so enamored by the bill that she gave the distinct impression that some trivial matter like municipal sovereignty would hardly be an obstacle. At best, this is a local zoning matter, maybe.

Proponents of this drivel cite that its passage would substantially cut down energy (electrical) use because less driers will be used, and even the more modern, efficient ones still use up a lot of energy. In our state of old, obsolete, and over-worked power grids, that is good news, but I sense a another shoe to be dropped on us by a carbon footprint about to be mentioned, given the endless sums of our money that this state has already spent and continues to spend on every trendy piece of junk science, scam, urban legend, whiz-bang hypothesis, feel-good fantasy, and children's fairy tale that comes down the pike and up to the Kremlin.

For those reluctant to use their driers because they are so concerned with energy conservation, and OK, that's fine, good for you, who says you can't buy racks, or a clothesline, and find space somewhere within your dwelling to air your clothes inside, instead of outside? Why are we taking a minor, private, personal, mundane, every day, basically inside chore, and blowing it up it into a major, outside public crisis? Folks, need I remind you? We are talking laundry here! Now, let's all take a nice, slow, soothing, relaxing, deep, cleansing breath and try to get a grip and focus a little, OK? I'll say it again…. "LAUNDRY!" Aren't some of you folks the same ones, who back during the Clinton impeachment saga told us, "It's only about sex!"?

Cheshire and South Windsor have already enacted reportedly "mild" ordinances in this regard. Naturally, some states have already gone down this path, including The Moonbats' Socialist Republic Of Vermont, which initiated the jump onto the laundry wagon in 1999. (I really wish the Moonbats of Montpelier would stop threatening and just go ahead and secede!) It's bad enough that we follow every loopy brainstorm that floats its way here from California, now we're listening to Vermont. Blame the British for this mess. If only they had taken Arnold and Allen a little more seriously and better staffed the garrison and defended Fort Ticonderoga! Quite frankly, I am also a little uneasy in general about doing something just because another state does it. Given that we now have left-leaning US Supreme Court Justices and US Senators quoting international law from other countries to support their bastardized interpretations of our founding principles and good old common sense, I suppose our own State of Confusion playing "Monkey See, Monkey Do" isn't such a far stretch, although if things keep going in this direction, I have to tell you, comrades, I'm going to personally have a real tough transition to drinking tea out of a glass instead of coffee out of a mug.

Much of the crux of this argument however, seems to have less to do with energy conservation and more to do with a bunch of self-centered whiners with no sense nor concern for the obsolete, if not abstract ideal of personal accountability. For that matter, energy conservation should be motivated, such as with tax cuts, not mandated by legislative whim. In other words, more carrot, less stick.

There was once a time in which gays were forbidden from military service. Then President Bill Clinton arranged an easy enough compromise: "Don't Ask, Don't tell." In other words, superiors could not ask recruits and troops about their sexuality, and likewise, all the recruits/troops had to do was simply shut their mouths. But that just wasn't good enough. A close friend's son is currently serving in the Judge Advocate General's (JAG) Corps. He tells me that he has been court martialling and discharging these malcontent gays left and right with impunity, zeal, and an ironclad case each time. Why? Because upon enlistment, they are required to sign a document agreeing to "Don't Ask, Don't Tell," under penalty. In short, the military kept its end of the bargain up, but the "Rainbow Berets" could not. They had a sweetheart deal, which favored them and compromised our military, but they still blew it because they got "chronic closet claustrophobia." Boo-hoo. Now, many of these selfish crybabies are crying discrimination. They just don't get it. Being gay is the least of it. They broke their word. They have no honor. I wouldn't give two bits for these losers, nor would I ever trust one of them to watch my back in combat. If you don't even have your word, whatever else you claim to have left really isn't worth much, and sexuality has nothing to do with it.

In the same way, residents of condominium, apartment and neighborhood complexes and associations also usually sign a document agreeing to the terms of the association rules, or are at least given literature apprising them of the established rules which they are obliged to follow if they are going to live there. Renters can take disputes to their landlords and owners have both speaking and voting "rights" on their respective boards to air their concerns. I know. I once ran one a condo association. For that matter, I have also been a renter, and a landlord, so I know all about it. I've already been there, done that, and bought the T-shirt. These residents, even if by virtue of establishing residence, have given their agreement to the rules of that association. Changing their minds and violating the rules in midstream is simply wrong and inexcusable, especially considering that they have avenues available to them to properly air their grievances, as well as their laundry. With this ludicrous argument of laundry drying, we have also seen legal battles regarding Christmas wreaths, American flags, etc.. Various associations have various rules. I am a Catholic and an American. Both my faith and my country mean a great deal to me. I would never live in any place that denied me the privilege of displaying a Christmas wreath or American flag if I so desired, and yes, any place that does prohibit such activity is unconscionable in my mind, but if somebody knowingly and willingly agrees to that lunacy, who are they to blame anyone else for their decision? Newsflash folks: it's not just all about you. No, Virginia, there really is no Santa Claus, but there really is a distinct difference between "private" property and "common" property. As my mother often chided me during my growing years, "You make your bed; you sleep in it."

So now, we need the powerful intervention (and abuse) of the state government for narcissistic whiners who cannot follow the rule of, well…rules. As long as we are talking about "rights," how about the "rights" of these associations? As we have a "right" to assemble, such "assemblies," as bodies, collectively have rights, which include the right not to be usurped by government where it does not belong. As the sage adage reminds us, "Your 'right' to swing your fist ends at the tip of my nose." What the advocates for this absurdity fail to realize is that they just might actually win this Pyrrhic Victory, but like that feral cat after that one time you fed it, or that pushy salesman, once he gets his foot in the door, government, once allowed where it does not belong, only stays and then ventures in even further. And next time, these whiny association residents might not like where government chooses to intrude next.

I honestly don't know what else some of you "Right To Dry" folks are sniffing and inhaling, but I wish you would only stick to bed sheets, but that's your business, I suppose. However, when you obscure the otherwise clear and distinct delineations between "rights" and "privileges" and thus weaken and (further) corrupt our government, which in turn encroaches on your, mine and our true rights, then it becomes my business. So please do us all a favor, end the "spin cycle," and air your dirty laundry, as well as your knee-jerk nonsense, inside.

Meanwhile, we all currently have much bigger fish to fry outside, and your laundry is impeding our supper.

Doug Wrenn