No More Billboards: Just One More Sign Of A Clueless Governor Running A State of Chaos by Doug Wrenn

No More Billboards: Just One More Sign Of A Clueless Governor Running A State of Chaos

By Doug Wrenn

February 18, 2008

"Prosperity is the best protector of principle."

(Mark Twain)

Some days, you can just squeeze the Capitol Dome and watch the fluff ooze out. Meanwhile, Jodi fiddles while Connecticut burns. A sage adage warns: "If you don't know what to do, do something." Governor Rell is the poster child of that philosophy.

According to a February 9th press release from her office, the Governor has proposed legislation removing billboards from state highways. Permits for billboards will no longer be issued after June 1st. Meanwhile, an executive order is in place. This urgent action is to prevent the billboard companies from signing new contracts with the state between now and the close of this year's legislative session, on May 7th. Indeed, obviously exigent circumstances.

Article Fourth, Section 11 of the Connecticut State Constitution cites executive authority and the issuance of executive orders: "He (the Governor) shall, from time to time, give to the general assembly, information of the state government, and recommend to their consideration such measures as he shall deem expedient." (OK, "he" or "she." Those crotchety old Yankees were such chauvinists in those days!)

One should question, if even just in the spirit of the law, if this is possibly an abuse of executive power. First, because this is not a matter requiring expediency by any means, and second, because the Governor is infringing on the rights of billboard businesses on the hope that the legislature will later agree with her and vote accordingly. This seems to be a usurpation of the authority of the legislative branch, and thus of the intended separation and distribution of powers, as articulated in Article Second of the State Constitution.

This latest fluffy, feel-good, "Rellistic" brainstorm du' jour comes from the Guv's fervent feeling that visitors to our state are being robbed of our quintessential New England charm. They should be entitled to freely view more rolling hills and church steeples as they cruise our scenic highways, such as I-95, I-91, and I-84. Her Guvness also believes that the signs are distractions that compromise safety. OK, but what about those quintessential church steeples and rolling hills? What difference does it make whether the drivers of those cars are staring at billboards or (both of the) church steeples and (both of the) rolling hills? (She did say 95, 91 and 84, right?) In either case, if their eyes aren't on the road, those same drivers will soon be rolling over those hills and crashing into those church steeples. Ah, New England! Lady Guvdiva is also concerned about "red-faced" parents as they drive past suggestive billboards with the youngen's strapped in the back seat as a captive audience. Here's a clue to remedy that problem: deny contracts to companies putting up inappropriate billboards. Remember, those companies don't own the state's property, hence the need for permits, contracts and payment. "Checkmate," as the 4th Amendment might say to the 1st Amendment on the constitutional chessboard.

I have read Pollyanna's budget address again this year, and again, this year, I came away scratching my head, and again, not because of me trying to save a few cents by buying cheap shampoo. Acts: 20, 35 tells us that "It is better to give than to receive." Jodi: 02-08 tells us, "Nah. I like them both."

Talk to any 100 level economic student, and he'll give you a "newer" testament that this kind of fiscal imbalance isn't conducive to long time prosperity, or for that matter, survival, as once also noted (above) by one of our more famous Nutmeggers in history. But Jodi & The Taxxeycrats haven't gotten that memo yet. Meanwhile, we can't even afford to fill our pot holes with temporary cold patch asphalt, let alone, pave them long term with yellow gold bricks.

So just imagine my further shock at my edification, courtesy of Susan Haigh's Associated Press piece, "Rell Curbs Freeway Billboards In Surprise Executive Order" of February 8th on Boston.com that the idealistic and unobstructed view of both of those church steeples and both of those couple of less infamous grassy knolls for bored, easily amused tourists on the cheap will cost our state a loss of $80,000 yearly in permits alone. That's what you call a Kodak moment with K-Mart film.

In a state that boasts the worst national numbers in terms of chasing businesses away, not maintaining the few we have left, chasing our academic talent away, or not enticing it to stay, and spending more and taxing more and further squeezing the nickel until the buffalo charges, not with a stampede, but with a Visa card, and the Indian jumps off the flip side opens another casino, Princess Pollyanna Feel-Good is mandating the exile of 80 large, normally slated for the state's coffers from the sign biz annually. Perhaps The Queen Of Fluff might reconsider keeping the billboards up and taking an extra weekend or two per year in Vermont, where she can gaze at real rolling hills, and real church steeples to her heart's pitter-patter of content before her northern socialist brethren, the Moonbats of Montpelier issue another resolution seceding the syrupy state from the Union, and setting up a checkpoint at Brattleboro, manned with armed flower children and old, burned out, transplanted New York hippies who hadn't yet heard the news that Timothy Leary is as dead as the 60's, Woodstock is as over as Viet Nam, and Nixon is as out as tie-dye.

"Distraction"? Maybe the Chief Executive of Fantasy Island might first look at the Department of Transportation (DOT) if she is so concerned about hazardous distractions. Oh yeah, that's right, there are supposed to be two of them now, huh? Well, too bad. Let her put on a pair of bifocals and look at both halves of her bifurcated DOT. Anyway, here is one of my favorite little gems: I'm driving down the road. It's a violently stormy day. The wind is blowing, the road is slick and I have about as much visibility as camouflage in the jungle. I have all I can to see where I am going, keep my car in my lane, and duck and weave when necessary from the idiots in the right lane, the maniacs in the left lane, and the wayward, navigationally challenged cellphone fanatics in my lane. Then, far up ahead, I faintly can make out the flashing amber lights of one of those new DOT emergency information boards. But I still can't make out what it says. So I slow down. I lower my head. I squint my eyes. Now, I'm not watching anything but this stupid, unintelligible sign ahead of me. WHAT DOES IT SAY? An accident? Closed lanes? Construction? An "Amber Alert," maybe, oh, God forbid, a kidnapped child. My mouth is as dry as the liver in a Baptist preacher. My hands, now clammy, tighten on the steering wheel. My knuckles turn white. That annoying little vein now throbs in the side of my head like a worm with hiccups. I shut off the radio. I am obsessed with the sign ahead as my eyes gaze forward only, fixating on this one object while desperately forsaking all the various blaring horns, squealing tires, thundering thuds and blood curdling screams and shrieks I have just heard in the adjacent lanes all around me, but too bad for them. I MUST SEE WHAT THE SIGN SAYS! WHAT DOES IT SAY? Wait! I'm getting closer. Yes, I can see it. It's coming ever so slowly into view. ALMOST THERE! THERE IT IS! It saaaaays……. "Use Caution. National Traffic Safety Week, October 5-12." WHAT??????

Then of course, are some of the other moronic gems: "Let 'Em Live, 55 And Stay Alive," "Click It Or Ticket," "Over The Limit, Under Arrest," and my all time favorite, "Got Milk?" OK, maybe not that one, but you get the gist. What's next? "It's 10:00. Have You Brushed Your Teeth And Said Your Prayers Yet?"

I don't knock the meanings behind these messages. They are all valid. My point is that most people prone to caution, negligence, or sheer recklessness will usually continue in those behavioral habits regardless of what a sign says. And whatever rocket scientist thought of the National Safety Week sign in particular should be banished to Vermont for life, clad only in his summer underwear, and with an air conditioner chained to his ankle.

I'm sorry, but if the Head Nanny of our Nanny State is so concerned about saving my life from dangerous distractions, then she should connect with some of the DOTs and tell them to stop risking my life with their inane, feel-good drivel, boneheaded, cutesy slogans and friendly but otherwise utterly useless calendar reminders on their widely abused information boards. Here's a worthy public service announcement for our neurotic government officials, burdened with the excesses of their spare time and our spare change: "SHUT UP AND LET US DRIVE IN PEACE!"

For that matter, if Aunt Nanny were so concerned about driving distractions, she would not have signed our cellphone ban bill into law. The current law allows for "hands free" cell phone use while driving, which according to a federal study, done back in the mid-90's, is actually as equally distracting as holding the phone while driving. (Fortunately, the study did not address drinking coffee with the other hand while steering with one's knees.)

The fact of the matter is our cars are already full of embedded distractions. Some of those distractions are called radios, heat, air conditioning, defrosters, defoggers, windshield wipers, ashtrays, and yes, the quintessential irate wife, nagging that she told us so and we should have stopped for directions at the last gas station we passed. (And of course, built-in coffee cup holders for the necessary benefit of those of us who drive while half-awake, can't multi-task worth a plugged nickel, and are significantly less than agile with our knees!) Is Aunt Nanny going to outlaw all those distractions, too? Where exactly does this well-focused panacea of thoroughly unimpeded driving end? I didn't know that the Eisenhower Interstate System extended into Utopia. (Which exit is that?) And is it worth the loss of 80 grand per year just to snag a few extra tourists who can't afford a real vacation? "Rolling hills and church steeples"? Come on, Governor, who do you think your kidding? Let's face it, the western and primarily metropolitan 2/3 of our state pretty much looks like New Jersey's third cousin, twice removed, and once denied from any of our major highways. Where does she get this stuff from? Great! More fiscal waste! It is now quite apparent to me that some of my hard earned tax dollars have also paid for window tint so dark in the Governor's car that it's probably illegal. That's the problem! The woman can't see! And to her State Trooper chauffeur, I say, "Shame on you, Smoky!" The Governor has made it publicly known that she prefers not to live in the Governor's mansion. (I don't blame her. They took the hot tub out and moved it to some lake cottage up in Litchfield County somewhere. After cable TV, what's left for perks in that old dump? ) But I really wish she would reconsider. I don't really know exactly what she is or is not seeing on these daily to & fro jaunts from her home in Brookfield to the Kremlin in Hartford, but current gas prices aside, these excursions are costing us all a mint!

So now, effective marketing, now deemed "clutter" by the head liberal in Republican clothing is now taboo, via her spontaneous whim, which was oddly absent from her budget address. Beautiful! When this woman gets cravings, why can't she just eat chocolate or something? If "Governor Puppies & Flowers" can see past her rose-colored spectacles long enough to at least dip a big toe into reality, she just might realize that some of that "clutter" really does a public service. Take, for example, that much coveted out of state tourist, who is unfamiliar with our state's layout, but gratefully sees a sign advising that a fast food restaurant is a only mile away and just off the next exit, much to his or her relief, as well as to the relief of the screaming kid who can't wait much longer in the back seat of this long ride as high tide is fast and painfully approaching in the little one's bladder.

And let's face it; it's not like the Governor doesn't have better things to do, or our state doesn't have bigger fish to fry. Yet according to the befuddling poll numbers that add up her favorability ratings, the socialists of Confused-icut's dominant left and the RINOs of our state's endangered right all seem to love Nana Jodi about as much as Poppy McCain.

Meanwhile, our clueless leader, who conservative radio pundit, Dan Lovallo aptly dubbed, "Aunt Bea" (That just kills me!), still fiddles. And Connecticut still burns. Opie, you're not in Mayberry anymore.

I guess it's just a "sign" of the times. And sadly, I seriously doubt that this one will be removed any time soon.

Doug Wrenn