Give Me The Stooges! by Tim Siggia

Give Me The Stooges!

By Tim Siggia

April 22, 2008

After a long hiatus I'm finally back. So much has been happening, it's been sort of an Information Overload: Hillary this, Obama that, more revelations, more surprises, and yes -- more things that aren't quite so surprising. What's needed here is to maintain one's sense of humor, and I must admit that the year so far has been a riot! As the sniping continues between the two Democratic wannabes for president, those of us watching -- and perhaps candidate John McCain as well -- have been treated to more free entertainment and hilarious (should I say, "Hillaryous?) comedy than we've had for a long time, particularly from those who are paid to be funny. It couldn't be funnier if Curly, Larry and Moe were the candidates -- though, come to think of it, they might have provided us with a better selection. The current match-up makes me feel like a judge in a beauty contest having to choose from among Quasimodu, Count Dracula and the Bride of Frankenstein. The sobering realization here is knowing for absolute certain that one of these three turkeys is going to be our next president.

First of all, I would be remiss if I did not say publicly that I was wrong. In one of my previous columns I predicted a controlled, orchestrated election which would install Her Royal Most Imperial Majesty into her long-coveted presidency. I was wrong about that; moreover, I am most happy to be wrong. After having the Republican candidate in effect picked for us by a coalition of Democrats, independents, and liberal Republicans, radio talk show host Rush Limbaugh took a page from their act to begin what he calls "Operation Chaos." (Or perhaps that should be "Operation KAOS," since the whole process since its inception has seemed pretty much like an extended episode of Get Smart. Rush hasn't been specific about this.) In sort of a tit-for-tat move, Rush urged those of his listeners in states with open primaries to register as Democrats and start voting for Hillary, knowing exactly what would ensue from that: that Hillary's desperation to win no matter what the cost to all concerned would work both to her detriment and to Barack Obama's as the two would continue to trash each other. It would also prevent the easy nomination of Obama, which at that point seemed imminent, before the voters had gotten to truly know him.

Hillary Clinton is already well-known and hated by roughly half the electorate. Her selfish ambition and greed for power have not exactly endeared her to those who were not already in her camp, and there is no doubt among most that she would have sold her soul for the White House had not the Devil realized that he'd be getting the short end of that deal, and refused to bargain with HRMIM. So the orchestrated coronation that I thoroughly expected has not happened, as with the introduction of Barack Obama the Clinton orchestra suddenly became off-key, off-tempo and out-of-tune, with Maestro Bill actually adding to the sour notes rather than eliminating them. As I write this on the eve of the Pennsylvania primary, Hillary has watched her once-commanding lead there dwindle to the single digits.

But what about Barack Obama, the Illinois senator who less than two years ago was such an enigma that fellow senator Ted Kennedy confused him with Osama bin Laden? (And Teddy was actually sober when he said that!) Once again, it seems old Tim misread the cards. Obama's grand intro by Oprah Winfrey seems to have made all the difference, and Obama suddenly became the New Messiah of the Left, causing adoring disciples to swoon as he promised things like change and hope without bothering to go into specifics about either. Neither did the "mainstream" news media bother to call him on this, as they now had suddenly forsaken their once-beloved Clintons to join the Obama camp. Had Hillary quit the race, as she was supposed to, it would have been a cakewalk to the Democratic Convention for Obama, very likely followed by one to the presidency. But Hillary, who seems to feel it her destiny to become America's first woman president and that this is somehow owed to her, was not about to leave the stage. Cracks began to appear in the Obama veneer, and as little things got to become known about him, the New Messiah was beginning to appear not quite so messianic.

First there was the business of Obama's refusal, as a youth, to stand for the Pledge of Allegiance. Then came wife Michelle's assertion that she had never felt proud of her country until her husband became a candidate for president. Then came a new villain into the drama: Enter Rev. Jeremiah Wright, pastor of the First United Church of Christ in Chicago, who showed himself to be an America-hating racist. Turns out Obama had been a member of his congregation for roughly 20 years, and considered Wright, who incidentally had married the Obamas, his spiritual mentor. At this juncture it should, of course, be pointed out how easy it is to fall into the trap of deductive reasoning: Jeremiah Wright is a racist, and Barack Obama was his protege, therefore Obama must also be a racist. Not necessarily so. However, something also must be said about how we can learn about a man by the company he keeps: in Obama's case including not only Wright, and his own wife who was now becoming somewhat controversial, but also a notorious former member of the Weather Underground who had not only bombed the Pentagon but said publicly that he regretted not having done more of the same!

Perhaps what's most disturbing -- or, at least, should be -- is Obama's voting record in the Senate, which makes him that body's most liberal member. Until recently I actually thought it was impossible to get more liberal than Hillary Clinton, or Ted Kennedy, or Socialist Bernie Sanders. But Barack Obama has proven me wrong once again. Should he become the Democratic nominee, we indeed may soon learn that the name, "Barack Obama," is actually Arabic for "George McGovern," and that his name might be added to list of those who went before him: McGovern, Walter Mondale, and Michael Dukakis, all of whose politics and policies proved too extreme even for liberal enclaves like Connecticut.

The good news for conservative Republicans in all this is that John McCain could well be our next president. On the other hand, the bad news is that John McCain could well be our next president. Despite his protests to the contrary, and a respectable lifetime rating by the American Conservative Union (which, by the way, I refuse to refer to as the ACU lest it be confused with another, far more notorious organization of nearly identical initials), John McCain bears about as much political resemblance to Ronald Reagan as does Jeremiah Wright spiritually to Pope Benedict XVI. On the plus side, McCain, if elected, would not cut and run from Iraq, as would both Democratic contenders, and though he once voted against the Bush tax cuts he says he now favors making them permanent. He would also not be an extravagant spender, as President Bush unfortunately turned out to be. But let us also not forget a few other things, such as McCain-Feingold, McCain-Kennedy, and McCain-Lieberman, just to name a few of his many collaborations with Democrats that worked to the detriment of conservative ideals. McCain prides himself on being a maverick, and on his ability to "reach across the aisle." McCain doesn't reach across the aisle, he dives across it, resulting in deals that amount to a Republican giving-away of the store while Democrats concede nothing: the Democratic definition of "bipartisanship."

So those, it seems, are our choices for president this year: two far-left extreme Democrats who already salivate at the prospect of raising our taxes and gutting our military, and a Republican with liberal tendencies who at best bears watching. If there is any truly good news for conservatives this year, it is that no matter who of these three clowns actually gets elected, he -- or, hopefully not, she -- will in all likelihood serve only one term. After that, the big question will be, how many succeeding terms will it require to repair the damage?