|
When Do We Get to See Judge Roberts Forged "Secret Memos?"
By Justin Darr
July 25, 2005
America is suffering from a bunch of P.E.S.T.'s. Victims of Post Election Selection Trauma, or more commonly know as crazy liberals who have decided to hate democracy because George Bush beat them twice. Shortly after the November election, the American Health Association identified this affliction in Boca Raton, Florida, with some of its symptoms being: "feelings of withdrawal, feelings of isolation, loss of appetite, sleeplessness, nightmares, and pervasive moodiness, including endless sulking." How Rob Gordon, Executive Director of the AHA, was able to differentiate these symptoms from the normal behavior of most liberals I have no clue, but none the less, it is a serious threat. "You don't want an epidemic of suicides," Gordon warned. True, suicide is a terrible tragedy that should be prevented at all costs, even if the people doing it are knuckle biting, surrender monkeys.
However, Rob Gordon was wrong on two points. The first is Gordon felt the P.E.S.T's would soon fade away "as the troubled Kerry supporters adjust to reality." Mr. Gordon sounds like a good man, but he must live a very sheltered life, liberals inability to "adjust to reality" is congenital. And second, he should have added "compulsively writing fake government documents" into his list of symptoms.
The P.E.S.T. epidemic has spread throughout America, the mainstream media, and even as far as our nation's capitol. Recently, Senator John Kerry, reported carrier of the disease, came to the Senate floor and demanded the Bush Administration release all documents relevant to Judge John Roberts from his stint in the White House Counsel's Office, from 1982 to 1986, and as Principle Deputy Solicitor General under President Bush 41. Kerry, apparently oblivious to the irony of his own refusal to release relevant records of his background when he sought the office of President, said, "We cannot do our duty if either Judge Roberts or the Bush Administration hides elements of his professional record."
Most of the records in question are stored at the Ronald Reagan Presidential Library and are not organized by name, but chronological date. So any search for Judge Robert's records will be slow, tedious, and the likelihood of documents being missed very high due to human error and the huge volume of documents to review. So now the stage is set for the "exclusive report" by the left wing media of "secret memos withheld by the Bush Administration" that, curiously enough, just happen to vindicate everything negative they have concocted to say about Judge Roberts.
Liberal word processors are probably humming right now creating horrific stories of Judge Roberts recommending cutting the heat off to orphanages and advocating the killing of kittens and selling the meat to school lunch programs.
In honor of the left's penchant for portraying myth as reality, I have taken the liberty of creating a fake memo of my own. This "secret memo" was uncovered by an unnamed source and I accidentally threw the original away with a pizza box after I retyped it, but it read:
"USE THIS: Howard Dean (signature)
Hi Bill,
This is your neighbor, Supreme Court Nominee John Roberts. Just a quick note to thank you for adjusting your lawn mower blades so your grass is even with mine.
Thanks,
John Roberts (Closet Fascist.)
P.S. I can't wait to get on the Supreme Court and ban abortion! HA! HA! HA!"
It is almost a question of not if a forged secret memo about Judge Roberts shows up, but when. This would be the third time in the last year liberals have tried this tactic, and who knows? Maybe the third time is the charm and they will actually make it somewhat believable this time.
The first, and most infamous forged memo scandal is CBS's "Memogate." These documents where amateur at best, and we will never look at "th" in Microsoft Word the same ever again. The second, the "Downing Street Memos," seemed to be of a bit higher quality and where developing some political legs until it was discovered that Michael Smith, "Times of London" reporter and source of the story, had allegedly retyped the memos from the originals and thrown them away in an effort to protect his source. Sure, a professional reporter from a major newspaper saw no need to save documentation on an exclusive story with international implications, no problem. And, the only way to protect a source is to retype a memo? I have not been in England for a few years, but I am fairly certain I saw both copy machines and white out widely available in London.
Maybe the liberals are learning from their mistakes and the third in the series of forged documentation will be the best yet. If they were smart, they would just stick to their old tried and true methods using baseless personal attacks and character assassination to attack people rather than something as ridiculous as these memos. The only thing that is certain is if someone actually makes these forged memos, there will be legions of P.E.S.T's ready to believe them.
|
